Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
