we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
