please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
