How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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