I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
