His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
