She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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