Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
