Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
