I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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