You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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