I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
