You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
