that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
