It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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