I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
no. you can't hotbox the world.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
