There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
