she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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