I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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