There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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