put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
