sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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