Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
