you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
