i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
