Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
