the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
