peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
