I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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