a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got inside last night via doggy door
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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