I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
