i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
