i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
