She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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