I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
