It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
