Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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