You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just gift wrapped bread.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
