Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
