Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize