Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
