I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
