last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
