they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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