He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
