My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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