Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
