are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
