Who did Billy Mays play for?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So much rum. So many feels.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
