covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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