the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
